Hips O' Steel VII

Hips ‘O Steel – VII (Driving)

1 Weeks Post Op
Just a last quick update re the galloping hips. Driving and getting around much better, still cautious with the getting in and out,the Suzuki’s wee bit compact in the driving compartment area so need to slip in a little gingerly. But once ensconced, eat yer heart out Lewis H!

The golf is not so progressive as the driving but hitting the ball well and even bringing the Driver into play which I had abandoned several years ago as a waste of time and energy, but starting to put it through it’s paces again with some positive results. Have to be careful with the golf and not let my new found enthusiasm carry me away. Feel some pain after each session, finding muscles and ligaments which are still on the road to full recovery.

Hips O' Steel VI

Hips O’ Steel VI

9 weeks Post Op
Have been driving my car for a few days and swung a golf club for the first time with the new hips. Great to be back in the driving seat. Although it is a bit of a struggle to get in (the 90 degree rule is still in place). Once in all is well. Nice to be able to get out and about without assistance. Although my taxi driver Mr. Jamras was a God send and I can’t thank him enough. Always available and always cheerful, would have gone crazy without him. But now my little Suzuki is up and running and taking good care of me once again, “Arigato”

Hitting a few baskets of balls on the driving range at the golf course and walking around several holes to build up the strength in the legs. Think it will be a little while before I’m back in the thick of it cursing the water hazards and the trees, but, a month or two should see me just about there. Watch out Mr. Watson, your days are numbered!

Hips O' Steel V

Hips O’ Steel V

Just to keep you in the picture re the hips. Saw the Orthopedic Surgeon yesterday and he seemed pleased re my progress, wasn’t happy about the suggested game of squash. Said I could walk without the stick while around the house but take it when I venture outside walking. I need it more to fend off the dogs around my streets as much as I do for stopping me falling over. (memo to me: buy a catapult!)

March 2nd 2009 – 6 weeks Post Op

I am to see the OS again next Friday 13th, strangely enough the last visit was Friday 13th also, wonder if his first name is Jason by any chance, being meaning to ask him about the white mask he wears. I was expecting him to give me the ok for starting golf and hopefully driving, but, 4 days ago my right knee blew-up (blood everywhere!!) the size of a balloon and painful as hell. I went straight to the hospital.
At first they were worried about thrombosis, which is not uncommon after a hip operation, but an ultrasonic scan ruled that out but showed gallons of water around the knee joint. Then a straight x-ray showed arthritis of the joint which had flared up causing the swelling. Not much to do but get an injection, more pills and complete rest of the joint. He said that maybe the extra exertion on the knee joints, because of the hip situation, was too much. So that has slowed down my planned progress by quite a bit. In fact I am only now starting to hobble around once again with the aid of the stick…what a bummer!!!

But life goes on, albeit at a more sedately pace. So looks like golf is on hold as is driving for sometime, I reckon for at least another month, maybe more. Let’s see what ‘Jason’ has to say next Friday. I hope he doesn’t advise replacing the knee joints as well, or I’ll never get through the airport scanners. Not that I would be able to afford to go anywhere at the moment, or indeed ever again, what with the money situation and cost of bodily spare-parts……

March 14th 2009 - 8 weeks Post Op

Visited the OS clinic yesterday. Thankfully the knee has returned to it’s normal size and is no longer a problem. But will continue the anti-inflamatory medicine for another week. That apart he is well pleased with the progress and unless I have any problems he wants to see me again in one year for a follow-up x-ray! I was a little stunned, felt like someone had kicked my walking stick away. But gotta say, I am at the moment feeling confident about the whole affair and continue to make good progress. Mustn’t get too cocky though!

He did advise me to start swimming and do my exercises in the pool, I have found this has helped a lot. I am also walking up to 1 km with the cane. Ok maybe a little without the cane but I didn’t tell him this. I had a dry run trying to fit into the car, maybe next week will see me there. Golf is my next target, he tells me that’s not too far away, (he must have seen me on the tee box!)

Hips O' Steel IV

Hips O’ Steel IV

3 weeks Post Op

I know you’re all sitting on the edge of your seats wondering how yours truly and the new hips are doing. Well we’re doing just fine. 30 sutures (metal clips) out on Saturday and the wounds are A1. Dressings were removed on Thursday and no longer required. Told-off by the surgeon for trying to walk without my cane, said I must stick with it for at least 2 more weeks. Have lost another 2 kg (4.4 lbs to you imperial lot) which all helps me and my hips get along that bit quicker.

Driving and golf are still a way off yet but walking (hobbling) towards that time. Maybe 4 more weeks will see me there-abouts. Have been a good boy with the booze, none since before the op. Although I’m edging towards a nip or two of Jameson’s as a nightcap, purely for medicinal purposes you understand.

Sleeping has been the bug bear, having to lie on my back is unnatural for me and is very uncomfortable. Trying not to use the sleepers as much as I can but sometimes it’s necessary. Not that they help a great deal, still consider Jameson’s as the drug of choice. Watched the Toon/Mackham game last night, now there’s real pain! A few hip operations wouldn’t go a miss there, and maybe a lobotomy or two also

Ok gotta rush (I wish) hope you are all well and not letting the weather or economical crisis get to you.

Hips O' Steel III

Hips o’ Steel III

A few hours in the ICU then back to my room, with tubes going in and tubes coming out, everything was hunky-dory. The next day the OS came and asked me to swing my legs over the side of the bed. Even though I had been warned that this was routine for my post-op, it was still an anxious moment. Shouldn’t have worried though the staff were well trained to manage the situation even with a fat fart like myself. With feet on the floor and a few guided and assisted steps I was (almost) mobile 1 day after the operation. From then on it was me and my Zimmer frame and Khun Took the Physical Therapist. Nice girl but determined!


Day 4 saw the end of the tubes, wounds were clean albeit very sore, especially if I strayed over onto them while sleeping. Bodily functions had almost returned to normal, although during a # 2 the tiny bathroom was reminiscent of a scene from a Harry Houdini act. One major problem was sleeping for any length of time, more so because I was not allowed to turn on either side and had to maintain a pillow between my thighs to alleviate stress on the weakened hip muscles and ligaments that crossing my legs would cause, possibly resulting in a hip dislocation. It all resulted in only one or two hours sleep a night. But that was a small price when compared with the progress I was making.

 Day 5 and it was away with the Zimmer frame, by-passing the crutches and introduction to the walking stick. Again Took came into her own and drilled me on the techniques of walking with a cane. She also dangled a carrot in the shape of an instruction from the OS saying that once I mastered the ‘art’ of climbing up and down the stairs minimum of 10 steps, I would be allowed to go home.

Hips O' Steel II

Hips o’ Steel II

2 days to go
Working my way through the many mini ‘to do’ lists I’ve made out; order taxi, adjust the house, haircut, toilet seat arrangements, etc, etc, etc. Been trying to reduce the flab over the past few months to help make the extra weight on the arms and legs a little less after the op. Managed to come down 8kg but a wee bit short of my target of 12kg. Maybe the next couple of days may see a kg or more if I knuckle down to it.
Played my last game of golf on Monday, badly, said goodbye to my lovely caddy Pin, a petite and beautiful hill-tribe girl (Aka) she’ll be a big miss. She said she would wait, but don’t they all! It felt like I was off to some distant land to fight for some lost cause, could almost smell the grimy station and hear the hissing steam from the train. “Farewell my Lovely”. Silly old bat!

Hips O' Steel

Hips o’ Steel

1 week to go It was when I was unable to bend down to stick my golf tee in the ground and had to drop my ball instead that I finally decided enough was enough, time for the chop! The discomfort in the left hip had increased over the past few weeks and now is in competition with the right as to which one is the biggest pain in the backside!

I asked the orthopedic surgeon to replace them both simultaneously if he considered it doable. He strongly advised a pre-op medical (heart, ECG, chest x-ray, blood count) the works really, to be sure I was in good enough shape to withstand the traumatic effects of the bi-lateral replacement. And what do you know, I passed with flying colours! The internal workings of this oldish body are in great shape, apart from the crumbling hips that is. Even the gout is behaving itself. So decision made.

Let the hip-op music begin.

So it’s looking like Saturday 17th January will be the chop day, and all being well, 7 hobbley days after that, I can take my new spare parts back home with me. Golf maybe a little difficult at first and 5-a-side football and squash will definitely be out for some time, but getting drunk and falling down stairs is always a viable alternative. Probably puts me in contention for a place in the ‘Toon’ (Newcastle United) team.
I looked at the cost at some length as to which country and hospital would offer the best deal. The deal I was offered here in Chiang Mai turned out to be the best, not only was the bi-op. cheaper but it eliminated the need for airfares and accommodation.
The total costs involved could have bought me a nice new shiny car or shares in an Omani racing camel (jockey not included). ‘Fraid it’s put a big hole in the inheritance dosh, has reduced it to the equivalence of “pints all round” and a half a bottle of Jameson’s! There might be a money order or two (enough for the cremation fuel bill) lying around from The Department for Work and Pensions in UK but that’s about it.
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of “Hips of Steel” and find out if BoF (‘Boring old Fart’) can take the steps which will return him to his former glory!