Monday, January 12, 2009

Hips O' Steel

Hips o’ Steel

1 week to go It was when I was unable to bend down to stick my golf tee in the ground and had to drop my ball instead that I finally decided enough was enough, time for the chop! The discomfort in the left hip had increased over the past few weeks and now is in competition with the right as to which one is the biggest pain in the backside!

I asked the orthopedic surgeon to replace them both simultaneously if he considered it doable. He strongly advised a pre-op medical (heart, ECG, chest x-ray, blood count) the works really, to be sure I was in good enough shape to withstand the traumatic effects of the bi-lateral replacement. And what do you know, I passed with flying colours! The internal workings of this oldish body are in great shape, apart from the crumbling hips that is. Even the gout is behaving itself. So decision made.

Let the hip-op music begin.

So it’s looking like Saturday 17th January will be the chop day, and all being well, 7 hobbley days after that, I can take my new spare parts back home with me. Golf maybe a little difficult at first and 5-a-side football and squash will definitely be out for some time, but getting drunk and falling down stairs is always a viable alternative. Probably puts me in contention for a place in the ‘Toon’ (Newcastle United) team.
I looked at the cost at some length as to which country and hospital would offer the best deal. The deal I was offered here in Chiang Mai turned out to be the best, not only was the bi-op. cheaper but it eliminated the need for airfares and accommodation.
The total costs involved could have bought me a nice new shiny car or shares in an Omani racing camel (jockey not included). ‘Fraid it’s put a big hole in the inheritance dosh, has reduced it to the equivalence of “pints all round” and a half a bottle of Jameson’s! There might be a money order or two (enough for the cremation fuel bill) lying around from The Department for Work and Pensions in UK but that’s about it.
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of “Hips of Steel” and find out if BoF (‘Boring old Fart’) can take the steps which will return him to his former glory!

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